Time Stress

Time Stress

As caregivers we almost never reach out for help. I wonder why we continue to believe that just because we are taking care of someone, we cannot take care of ourselves, or that we cannot somehow be take care of at the same time.

Unsurprisingly, over one-third of adults with a parent 65 or older and a dependent child feel constantly rushed, compared to 23% of other adults. This makes sense—if you’re trying to manage your own life and career plus jet between a kid’s soccer game and a parent’s house to make sure the fridge is stocked, sitting down can feel like a luxury.

 

As with the standard airline warning – when the oxygen max arrives, please put yours on FIRST before helping those around you who cannot help themselves. 

 

“If the cabin air pressure changes dramatically, oxygen masks might fall from the ceiling directly in front of you. Follow the airline's instructions in operating their masks. If a child is seated beside you, put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on the child. “

 

And yet we forget.  All of the time, we believe that being exhausted busy and selfless is the ONLY way we can trust we are doing our best as a caregiver.  We take on way more responsibilities for others, we often give up self-care simply because there is no more time for that.  We deem ourselves less important, we tell ourselves it’s only for a short time, we decide things like hot meals, haircuts, and visiting with friends is not as important as being on hand to watch over our loved ones when they need us most.

 

 

Life is like a bowl of cherries

“If life is like a bowl of cherries what am I doing in the pits” Erma Bombeck.

I loved this book, her insight, her humour, in fact I am going to re-read it just to remind myself why I enjoyed it so much way back when I first read it.

Today I was inspired to share some of the more regular things I do to manage my life more effectively for myself.

The morning starts off great, full of wonderful intentions, plans for the day that are positive and satisfying all is well and then it hits... the second guessing, confusion, uncertainty, fear and that lovely day starts turning into a bit of a nightmare...and I have not even gotten out of bed.

How does this happen so fast?

In reality I was just doing my daily thought download and decided to share it, I doubt I am unique or alone either.

When I started doing this work, I realized I was only conscious of thinking about busy work and a laundry list of plans for the day for myself and everyone else around me. I thought this was enough and was not even aware of how limited and often negative my thoughts were. I imagined all sorts of bad outcomes or derailments and did my best to solve them ahead of time. How busy I was, saving myself and my loved ones from all those pitfalls. No wonder I needed help, what I got was even better. I got coached and found incredible tools and learned that without the pit there would be no cherry anyway, our lives are supposed to be 50/50. Learning this was a game changer for me. I began to be way more aware of the difference between facts and the stories I was telling myself about a situation, I also started to recognize that my brains unconscious default was to always see the negative and it was just my thoughts causing me the stress, pain and discomfort in my life. I learned to become aware first and then to change my story.

Today, as I more consciously think through my day, I savour the amazing joy of the fruit more and knowing they are there anyway I now carefully discard the pits one at a time. So much easier than worrying about breaking a tooth. Hope you get the metaphor, it made me laugh when I though of it.

I hope you too can find a way to enjoy the whole fruit.

Conversations with my friend

Conversations with my friend

"Stop applying old busted cranky ass thoughts to make excuses why you can do it right”

Love it!!!

My add; How have those been working out for you so far and are you ready to stop it now and think how amazing it's going to be, to be so in love with myself that I will do everything it takes to have my best interests at heart.

please remind me of this

Courage

Courage

Everybody is dying, what a terrible thing to say, but just so there is no confusion let’s get that out in the open right away.

That is the end. We all know that believe that and even accept that as a universal truth.

The beginning if this work is always about you; your experience your journey, your thoughts, feelings, what motivates you, what haunts you, the things you wish you could do over again the words left unspoken and those you can never unspeak.

Your life is a lot of things and the best way to live it is your way.

Planning ahead of time

Planning ahead of time

Planning ahead of time

How often do you hear stories about parents failing health causing falls or worse?

rushes to hospital emergency. The levels of stress and emotional upset these

events create are intense. There is a drop everything call-to-arms and we all rally

around to wait and see what happens next.

Does this sound familiar? Are you having these events happen with alarming frequency? How can you stop the knee jerk reaction when it is so instinctive.

Are you the parent or the child here?

Are you the parent or the child here?

The parent child relationship is a fundamental building block of who we are and how we recognize ourselves as adults, you often hear people saying like “you are just like your mother,” or "you remind me of your father". If these quippy comments so carelessly thrown into a conversation make you cringe, feel like you have been prejudged or worse yet insulted, then it's time to take notice. You can certainly learn to think something else if all your thoughts are negative.

My Deep Commitment

My Deep Commitment

The thing I realize about myself is that I am deeply committed to never quitting. I love finding how best I can help not only myself but other people as well. Over the years that has been the driving force and passion in so many aspects of my life. I always thought that I wasn't comfortable in crowds and I wasn't, I believed I was much better in a one on one situation and I can only help people one person at a time.
My recent experiences have taught me that I do help people one person at a time but that doesn't mean that I can't send my message out into the world and help as many people are interested in hearing it for instance; yesterday for the first time I actually posted on Instagram. I realized this is not as confronting as I thought it would be, I also realized I don't have to have it all figured I just need to know how to take one day at a time and one step at a time and rejoice in the ability to do it not just think about it.

Getting stuff done

  Getting stuff done

Do you ever feel like no matter what you start, how excited you were when you started, nothing ever seems to get finished? There's always some interruption, there's always something more important that needs to be done, there's always someone who needs your time and more than you do.  Is it just impossible to find the time to get tasks completed that you started no matter how exciting they are if they're not important to the collective that you belong to?

Wait, it’s not the end of the story. Part 7

Wait, it’s not the end of the story. Part 7

Will it ever be the end? Remember in the first instalment, my mother, who is a generation younger than my MIL, still lives in our home. Admittedly, she has been her twenty-five years and has not required any sort of long-term physical support except the occasional broken foot, twisted ankle and other such ailments that keep her from walking her beloved Schnauzer.