What is left behind. Part 6

What is left behind. Part 6

The empty chair, the empty suite, no pitter patter of tiny feet, the nanacam is off and the meals don’t need to be on time. We miss her, our children have only known a life with her present. Fortunately, they have grown and one is away at university, while the other is adjusting to the changes in routine by becoming more independent in many ways. Life as we used to life it daily has changed and nothing will ever change it back. This is the part where we get to count our blessing. Our beloved Nana is still living, we can still see her whenever we want and no matter where she is physically, mentally she is just different now.

The Turning Point. Part 5

The Turning Point. Part 5

In life, things keep going along in a straight line and nothing really changes much until there is an interruption, so it was in our story. The progressing mental decline of my MIL and her advanced age of 94 along with the inherent loss of visual acuity, strength, and balance all converged in one mighty crash. On a chilly Friday afternoon just before dinner, while we were relaxing and getting ready for a weekend, there came a huge bang from above. My daughter and I heard it, without thinking, we raced upstairs. We found my MIL where she had fallen getting up from her easy chair. She was aware and in considerable pain.
Thank goodness that in that moment everyone was home, we called 911 and the paramedics came in about five minutes. Hauling her tiny broken body down three flights of stairs was another matter entirely, it was done on an old-fashioned cloth and pole stretcher.
The surgery was thankfully scheduled for Saturday, it could be performed without general anesthesia to which she reacted badly. The family rallied and sat with her around the clock. For a month we watched her recover physically and battled the administration to find her an appropriate placement in a memory care facility.

The scrapbook of memories part 4

The scrapbook of memories part 4

Over 20 years ago a series of interesting circumstances led me to become the scrap-booker I am now. The first was when I was in my 30’s and visiting my grandparents in Eastern Europe, I had an opportunity to ask my grandfather what one regret he had in his long and interesting life. His response quite surprised me, he regretted he did not value and save his family’s photographs when war forced him from his home as a young man. 
The second occurred after the birth of our daughter and the beginning of my dearest friend’s home-based business with the MLM Creative Memories, a paper and album based scrapbooking company. At first, I wanted to support her success and after my first finished album I was hooked. I knew I was fulfilling my artistic passions in a way that was creative as well as archival. It reminded me of my grandfather’s words and his regrets.

Our journey with memory loss. Part 3

Our journey with memory loss. Part 3

It was pretty soon evident that my MIL was losing much of her short-term memory and any slight change in the well-established routine of years was not good. We managed to keep our lives as normal as possible for our girls, include the whole family in events and enjoy our time together. Soon it became more and more difficult to leave the house for any length of time for fear of not being on hand if needed. We installed a nana cam so that we could watch her in her living and dining room from anywhere. We had family members also keep tabs especially when they were about to phone her in case she was napping so they would not wake her abruptly.
This system worked for quite a while, and we all managed to maintain our freedom and sanity to a limited degree. The shifts in memory decline were often very subtle and like expecting a baby, it was a gradual change over months and months. I know for some people who only visited infrequently the change was more dramatic, but we all survived in this bubble. 

Tragedy Strikes, Part 2

Tragedy Strikes, Part 2

Tragedy Strikes, Part 2

Fast forward 4 years, marriage, we welcomed our first child into our lives, it was a magical time, I worked a lot, realizing that babies are super portable, and she was amazingly quiet and happy. We enjoyed our weekends skiing and visiting the in-laws then tragedy struck, my FIL became ill and as any good doctor began eliminating all possible problems until he was sure he could not fixt this himself. He finally reached out for help and after exhaustive tests was sadly unable to fix the grave illness that would eventually take his life before the year was over. In October we witnessed his tragic passing. He had 4 grandchildren by then all of whom he had visits with two of whom were barely 1 year old. We had moved them both into our home just before his passing and in between hospital stays, the home became theirs as well.
Now let me describe our home for you; my mom lived in the main floor she moved in as soon as we bought it with her partner at the time and a couple of dogs, all good. Our young family now tree in total lived on the second floor and my mother in law now became the sole resident in the third-floor suite. 

My Sandwich Life Saga, part 1

My Sandwich Life Saga, part 1

Let me describe my home, before we married, we both lived with our family and after meeting we decided to look for a place to live together… we spent a few months planning for our first big ski holiday in Whistler… a week before we left, the perfect home for us came on the market.
We did not know it right away, and really were not that keen, but my mom the uber-realtor insisted it was perfect for all of us. We took a massive leap of faith, engaged everyone in our family, and cashed in all if our savings, rrps’s leveraged our lives forever to the bank and dove into the home ownership market. To this day I am surprised we still have any friends, our first few months were a blur or paint, plaster, peeling, and surprises of all kinds, most of them good ones. We bought our last home first!

Fifi - my alter ego

When elderly family members become dependent on caregivers for personal grooming and care.

After my mother in law (MIL) moved in with us and became a permanent part of our daily life, it became evident that there were things that would change for our entire household. One of these was grooming. It became a job to drive my MIL to her monthly sessions at her old hairdresser in the next city a 45 minute drive away. We took turns taking her for these sessions, we tried to combine them with lunches with old friends, or appointments with other local caregivers like dentists. In time it became evident that driving so far for services would be frustrating, time consuming and tiring for everyone. Fortunately these outings lasted for only a few years until her stylist retired.

Change is never easy for the elderly

We attempted to find a replacement stylist locally but never found anyone who was just right for frequent visits. I remember thinking that she was never going to be happy with anyone new and did not much care how her hair looked anyway. I cared, I felt that how she looked reflected on how I cared for her. Eventually, I decided we could all win here. It did not take long to throw a few curlers into Nana’s hair and with her perm it held up well until her next hair wash. I learned to do a pretty good job and thus was born my alter ego Fifi. We now took bi-annual trips for perms only and the rest was done at home. Fifi was the resident hairstylist, she kept her hair looking lovely. It became a fun event at the house with friends and other family getting in on the action if they were around on a Fifi day. Out of necessity was born a latent passion and a lot of fun.

What I learned is that no matter what, taking those 15 minutes to simply do a small grooming task had the lasting and cumulative ripple effect that could not be measured but everyone got the benefits. I felt like a good caregiver and DIL, My MIL looked and felt great, her family loved that she was so happy and looked lovely and our children learned to be conscious of personal grooming and the overall benefits or caring for others. Everyone’s levels of frustration diminished considerably. As time went on, Fifi eventually retired, but not before being replaced by Leona, who kindly came to our home and did everyone’s hair professionally, it’s still a fun family time and friends still come by for a Leona day.

What used to be an hours long ordeal that I resented and eventually became a hassle for everyone, become a time of bonding, fun, and long term pleasure for my entire family. I challenge you to pick one place that you can find a way to change an ordeal into a win for everyone by simply making a shift in how you think and feel about it and change how it is executed.

Have some fun with it