The parent child relationship is a fundamental building block of who we are and how we recognize ourselves as adults, you often hear people saying like “you are just like your mother,” or "you remind me of your father". If these quippy comments so carelessly thrown into a conversation make you cringe, feel like you have been prejudged or worse yet insulted, then it's time to take notice. You can certainly learn to think something else if all your thoughts are negative.
When we were young, our parents literally told us how to act, who to like, what to do, what and how to be and where to go. We learned this from the only people who had that kind of influence over us. We generally reacted to all of this stimulus in our non-thinking brain and some of the behaviours we learned became deeply engrained here before we ever became aware of the reality or impact of this type of conditioning. Enter the teenage years, wow is life a lot different, as an emerging adult you are entering the period of brain development traditionally considered the pre-frontal cortex or thinking brain. Now as an adult, you are no longer feeling like you have to even consider your childhood beliefs, you believe you are emancipated from your parents and your own person. Perhaps a parent yourself.
Enter the identity switch years, or the years you spend as the parent of your child, and sometimes the caregiving child of your parents. This is usually the time some confusion begins, there is a period of adjustment between the generations, your parents are more needy, they sometimes act childish especially if there is some element of dementia emerging. We are not always clear if we are the adult or the child in this space, but our reactions will usually give us clues. If you experience pushback, resentment, guilt, judgement it might be time to get some clarity.
Creating new beliefs about yourself as an adult, setting boundaries that give you freedom from guilt, reacting to situations as an emotional adult are ways in which you can overcome some of the challenges. If you are not feeling heard or feel constant guilt when interacting with your family members, it may be time to get some clarity and support in becoming a confident emotional adult.
It is possible to do this; I can show you how