For years I thought I could do it all, I had a career I loved, I could manage my time since I was self employed and my passion was to help people achieve their home ownership dreams!!! I still love doing this, it makes me joyful when the entire process works and everyone succeeds.
I decided in my late 20’s after many failed attempts at relationships to finally be super clear, and really focused and visualize, articulate and be sure about what I really wanted...
“If life is like a bowl of cherries what am I doing in the pits” Erma Bombeck.
I loved this book, her insight, her humour, in fact I am going to re-read it just to remind myself why I enjoyed it so much way back when I first read it.
Today I was inspired to share some of the more regular things I do to manage my life more effectively for myself.
The morning starts off great, full of wonderful intentions, plans for the day that are positive and satisfying all is well and then it hits... the second guessing, confusion, uncertainty, fear and that lovely day starts turning into a bit of a nightmare...and I have not even gotten out of bed.
In reality I was just doing my daily thought download and decided to share it, I doubt I am unique or alone either.
When I started doing this work, I realized I was only conscious of thinking about busy work and a laundry list of plans for the day for myself and everyone else around me. I thought this was enough and was not even aware of how limited and often negative my thoughts were. I imagined all sorts of bad outcomes or derailments and did my best to solve them ahead of time. How busy I was, saving myself and my loved ones from all those pitfalls. No wonder I needed help, what I got was even better. I got coached and found incredible tools and learned that without the pit there would be no cherry anyway, our lives are supposed to be 50/50. Learning this was a game changer for me. I began to be way more aware of the difference between facts and the stories I was telling myself about a situation, I also started to recognize that my brains unconscious default was to always see the negative and it was just my thoughts causing me the stress, pain and discomfort in my life. I learned to become aware first and then to change my story.
Today, as I more consciously think through my day, I savour the amazing joy of the fruit more and knowing they are there anyway I now carefully discard the pits one at a time. So much easier than worrying about breaking a tooth. Hope you get the metaphor, it made me laugh when I though of it.
Let me describe my home, before we married, we both lived with our family and after meeting we decided to look for a place to live together… we spent a few months planning for our first big ski holiday in Whistler… a week before we left, the perfect home for us came on the market.
We did not know it right away, and really were not that keen, but my mom the uber-realtor insisted it was perfect for all of us. We took a massive leap of faith, engaged everyone in our family, and cashed in all if our savings, rrps’s leveraged our lives forever to the bank and dove into the home ownership market. To this day I am surprised we still have any friends, our first few months were a blur or paint, plaster, peeling, and surprises of all kinds, most of them good ones. We bought our last home first!
When elderly family members become dependent on caregivers for personal grooming and care.
After my mother in law (MIL) moved in with us and became a permanent part of our daily life, it became evident that there were things that would change for our entire household. One of these was grooming. It became a job to drive my MIL to her monthly sessions at her old hairdresser in the next city a 45 minute drive away. We took turns taking her for these sessions, we tried to combine them with lunches with old friends, or appointments with other local caregivers like dentists. In time it became evident that driving so far for services would be frustrating, time consuming and tiring for everyone. Fortunately these outings lasted for only a few years until her stylist retired.
We attempted to find a replacement stylist locally but never found anyone who was just right for frequent visits. I remember thinking that she was never going to be happy with anyone new and did not much care how her hair looked anyway. I cared, I felt that how she looked reflected on how I cared for her. Eventually, I decided we could all win here. It did not take long to throw a few curlers into Nana’s hair and with her perm it held up well until her next hair wash. I learned to do a pretty good job and thus was born my alter ego Fifi. We now took bi-annual trips for perms only and the rest was done at home. Fifi was the resident hairstylist, she kept her hair looking lovely. It became a fun event at the house with friends and other family getting in on the action if they were around on a Fifi day. Out of necessity was born a latent passion and a lot of fun.
What I learned is that no matter what, taking those 15 minutes to simply do a small grooming task had the lasting and cumulative ripple effect that could not be measured but everyone got the benefits. I felt like a good caregiver and DIL, My MIL looked and felt great, her family loved that she was so happy and looked lovely and our children learned to be conscious of personal grooming and the overall benefits or caring for others. Everyone’s levels of frustration diminished considerably. As time went on, Fifi eventually retired, but not before being replaced by Leona, who kindly came to our home and did everyone’s hair professionally, it’s still a fun family time and friends still come by for a Leona day.
What used to be an hours long ordeal that I resented and eventually became a hassle for everyone, become a time of bonding, fun, and long term pleasure for my entire family. I challenge you to pick one place that you can find a way to change an ordeal into a win for everyone by simply making a shift in how you think and feel about it and change how it is executed.
