A failure to plan is the first step in a lack of execution, and thus not getting the results you want.
Why do you quit?
Is it because something did not work out; did someone else tell you it was a waste of time; or did you simply not meet your own expectations of success and give up rather than feeling like you failed?
Here are some fun excuses I have used:
It was harder than I expected
I was missing something and had to stop
I got bored
For me, quitting on some things became a habit, one that I just kept recycling without even being aware of it. I know this is true because some of the evidence is in a box under a bed some of it is padding my body.
How do you fix it?
Tell the truth about what is going on, every day. (Write it down)
Only try to solve one thing at a time.
Don’t stop trying until you get the result you want.
Objections you might have:
I don’t know where to start there, is so much I have got going on that I want to fix.
I am afraid I will not know what to do or how to do it.
What if other people judge me or criticize me.
Strategies to solve your objections:
It does not matter where you start, just pick one thing and begin.
If you don’t know, get the help or tools you need to do the job.
Others will always have their opinions, that’s ok, you need to like and believe your own reasons for doing anything.
When you need support in getting started, that is where I can help you get laser focused on your own plan to move forward with success.
When feeling sad is totally perfect
How to manage your brain Part 1
HOW TO - Manage your brain - Part 1.
Have you noticed how when one part of your life seems out of control it seems to bleed into many aspects of your life and the lives of those around you.
We all live with a belief that we have control over the world around us on some level, it’s in times like this when we are confronted with the truth of how little we can control the events and people around us. Its also an amazing opportunity to examine more closely what and who we really are in control of.
Managing our own mind is a meta skill that in my opinion is critical to creating balance and self control in our own lives. It’s definitely not a skill we are taught growing up or In school.
The great news is that you can start any time you want and there is really no equipment you need to buy. You already have everything you need to learn this and do the work. Lets Start!
Number 1:
Start today by doing a written point form list of everything that is on your mind.
Start with the facts: Circumstances are Irrefutable and widely agreed upon facts
For example:
1.I am in quarantine
2.I drank 5 cups of coffee
3.I have no milk
And so on, these are just the facts nobody would dispute them
C- I am in quarantine
Number 2:
Pick only ONE of these Circumstances and write down what you think about it, remember from last weeks video series on thoughts vs circumstances.
Our thoughts are the impressions or stories we tell ourselves about the situation.
Some sample Thoughts are:
I feel fine, I am not sick,
I was super careful while travelling,
I only need a few things at the grocery store, I can wear a mask and gloves....and so on,
there are lots of thoughts I might have about this situation.
T - I am not going to be able to have enough fresh food to feed my family
Number 3:
Feelings about your thoughts, this is important to notice as you write your list of thoughts
Check in with your body and be aware of how the thoughts are making you feel- remember feelings are usually one word, and they are an energy or vibration in our body.
Some examples are
Resentful ,
frustrated ,
confused, and so on
Your feelings are important to recognize, it’s the feelings you have and are aware of that are going to give you the power to decide what to do next.
F- frustrated
Number 4:
Actions, reactions or Inactions
What you DO, or DON’T DO its how you show up for yourself and the world repeatedly when you feel a certain way.
These are some actions I have experienced,
staying in bed ,
lashing out at people verbally,
binge eating anything in sight,
hiding on my computer and playing video games, and there are many more things we do,
Its important to note that your actions are the outward gauge of what is going on for you.
A - cook copious amounts of food.
Number 5: Results
Our Results are the best indicator of how we are managing in our world,
It’s the litmus paper we use to compare ourself to others, to measure our progress in the world and to judge ourselves.
Results inevitably mirror and give evidence for the thoughts we have in in the first place, For example. Results like:
I am 20# overweight,
I have no money in savings,
I am stuck in the house without food, or mine today
R: I have too much cooked food in my fridge
That’s it, I have just given you a sample of HOW an unintentional Model looks. I created it by becoming aware of what is going on in my unmanaged mind.
NOW, Its your turn to do the work and examine Your thoughts, feelings, actions and results.
3 Steps to help manage Fear
Three steps : To Help manage Fear
To start, understand that Our brains are the most incredible problem solvers in the world, it is our human superpower to use our pre-frontal cortex to Plan and Solve… you certainly don’t see your pets wondering why you are home all the time, they are just happy to see more of you.
Our primitive brain’s sole purpose is to keep us alive, it is predisposed to look for danger outside of us… This is a normal function… These days, the constant bombardment of startling information feels like an attack by the proverbial mountain lion And our body’s. Automatic response when its under attack weakens our natural ability to fight off infection.
Try these Three steps and gain some insight and mastery over your Fear
Start with Noticing and writing down what is on your mind.
This slows you down and gives you a chance to really take a look at what is real, what is factual, and what you can actually do something about.
NEXT- Ask yourself better questions. An example of this would be What one thing can I do to feel better about this problem. This allows your mind to look for more helpful thoughts to solve an immediate problem. ITs doing what it is meant to do solve problems and keep us safe. It way more helpful than asking why is this happening to me?
And Lastly TAKE ACTION; if your brain has come up with a solution especially one that is going to make us feel better and more in control then DO THAT thing. ITs astounding how resilient we can be when we are using our conscious mind to run our lives rather than our primitive one.
When you are feeling fearful or out of control.
try this exercise for five minutes
Again the steps are
write down All of the things that are on your mind,
empower yourself by asking great questions that you can .
Take decisive action so that you can see the progress happening.
3 Tips for Working from Home
Arguing against the change that has already happened will not help anyone.
You are in this together so decide what you want and need the household dynamic to look like.
Begin by Creating a new routine that will serve all of you. Give yourself a 24 hour test run
Reconvene and decide what works, what does not and revise as needed
2. Listen without judgement
Silently Think in to yourself: my partner is speaking I am open to listen, will try to not interrupt.
Don’t immediately formulate a rebuttal or response in your mind.
3. When you are experiencing feelings of annoyance or resentment , take a moment, reflect and decide, give yourself time to ask “is this going to contribute to the situation positively, or will it just open pandoras box .”
TO conclude, We can only be responsible for our own thinking, feeling and actions.
Lets set aside some of the routines we have always followed and try to stay productive, positive, and respectful to ourselves and others.
If you want to hear more about these tips or other topics, I am available for consultation for anyone who might need more support.
Stress Relief - Your Results
TOday when I talk about results as coaches we define it as:
What we see in the world (our lives) as an effect of our actions. The result will always be evidence of the original thought
Oxford dictionary defines a result; as a consequence, effect, or outcome of something.
So lets take a look at the results you are getting for yourself, the ones you are completely convinced are outside of your control and thus responsibility to manage,
When we work through the model from any angle, the key elements that we are often focused on are the Thoughts and the Results, there is a feedback loop that often occurs between the two that I will demonstrate.
When you are driving to an appointment and your thoughts go along the lines of I am never going to find parking spot, I am stuck at the light, I am going to be late, the end result is usually proving your original thinking to be true. You have trouble finding parking, you get frustrated at every light and inevitably you are possibly even late. The RESULT just gave evidence of your original thought. This is not so unusual, but being aware it it gives us the ability to start managing and even changing how we think, so if I was managing my mind, I would still be driving to an appointment, I would think that parking is plentiful and I know where to find it, the lights I get stopped at are simply a circumstance I can do nothing about so dont need any thought except to stay safe and I arrive at my meeting exactly at the Time I do, with no residual frustrated thoughts that inevitably lead to excuses and apologies. Why is that you may ask? We the truth is I set a goal about this in the first place, and it was to plan ahead to the best of my ability to be at this meeting, I knew all that I could about what I could control\. The rest was just a circumstance and out of my control so I did not need to feel angry or stressed it just was. (Traffic, lights, accidents, these are all neutral). So just to repeat, this crisis and the cover 19 virus and its resulting fallout, all a circumstance, what we think about it is our decision to make, if our thoughts make us feel bad or anxious, what could we possibly think instead, how can we feel less anxious, what can we possibly plan for and be more grateful for. The actions will lead us to the result we get. If we think terrible thoughts, we are probably acting out in destructive ways and getting bad results. That is just you unmanaged mind. Its ok, you can learn to manage it with conscious practice and effort if you have a desire to do this, Now is the time to reach out for support, I can help you get this concept and have the tool for ever. Just reach out to me, I‘ve got you covered.
Stress Relief - Action and Reaction
Stress Relief - Lets Talk about Feelings
Stress Relief: Thoughts vs Circumstances
Training your brain to start focusing on what is a Fact, and what stories we are telling ourselves about what we are hearing in the world.
Our prehistoric brain (the portion called the amygdala) has one sole purpose; it is focused on keeping us alive, evolutionarily it is predisposed to look out for danger.
This is all normal.
The thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are normal.
The important part of dealing with your feelings of anxiety in this extraordinary situation comes from learning to recognize, become conscious of and actually record the thoughts we are having.
This is my first video; I hope its helpful, if you need more information or personal support, don't hesitate to reach out to me.
Write your thoughts down - its important to do it daily.
Our personal power lies in the ability of our pre-frontal cortex, (the thinking reasoning part of our brain) to be able to filter through the thoughts we are having.
Making DECISIONS for ourselves in the moment about what is true and factual versus the stories we are telling ourselves, or group influenced thinking.
Do this for yourself if you are feeling the challenge and stress of all of the stimulation around you.
Its a great first step in learning to manage your own thinking through this time of crisis and chaos.
Please pay it forward by sharing this and any of my posts to anyone you think may need it.
My offer of a free coaching for anyone who is having trouble managing their stress and anxiety
during these unprecedented times by simply booking a session.